By Marc Camoletti
Adapted by Beverley Cross
Tuesday 6th - Saturday 10th September 2016
Bernard has foolishly asked his mistress, Brigit, to his home on her birthday despite the fact that his wife is present. He asks his friend Robert to pretend Brigit is his mistress. A temporary maid arrives. Frantic complications of identities, plot and bedrooms increase the confusion.
Assistant Stage Managers
Lighting and Sound Operation
Front of House Manager
Les and Margaret Tong
David Elford, a member of The Hospital Players for over fifty years, sadly passed away on 3rd July.
David joined The Hospital Players in 1963, and his enthusiasm and support for the group never wavered. Last year, we elected him as our President, a role he accepted with characteristic modesty.
We are incredibly grateful to David for all the hard work he put into the group, and have very fond memories of him. We offer our condolences to his wife, Avril, and family.
Ann Brown wrote the following poem paying tribute to David,
which she read at his funeral.
David’s Celebration of Life
David came to Scunthorpe near on two score years and ten,
And lodged with Avril’s mother, where they became good friends,
And though they lived together, they both went separate ways,
He wasn’t Avril’s cup of tea in those bygone days.
So David moved to Trentholme, and it was really nice,
A spacious house with lots of rooms, he took it in a trice,
He also took in lodgers to help him pay his way,
Young men from the steel works who he worked with through the day.
And within the rules to live there were two things they had to do,
Was join the HP Players, and dig the garden too,
He loved his job down the mines, with a freedom there to roam,
But he was a compulsive hoarder, and brought a few rocks home.
Yes David collected anything, everywhere he went,
As long as it cost nothing, as he didn’t like to spend,
And through the years he piled it high for everyone to see,
Boxes of his treasures, called clutter to you and me.
And there amongst the clutter were fossils by the score,
Books within the hundreds, and a whole lot more,
Chairs and tables, old hat stands, he’d take everything,
As long as it cost nothing, to his home he’d bring.
He kept chickens in the garden along with all the mice,
A cat and some old donkeys on their holiday respite,
Yes David’s home was different, a home you won't forget,
But he was very happy there, and in his ways was set.
Rugby was his passion, a great hockey player too,
And homemade wine and lager were his special brew,
He made umpteen gallons for him and all to drink.
Some of it was wonderful, but most went down the sink.
David joined the HP Players back in 1963,
He’d been asked to play a Greek thug by a friend who played rugby,
In 'Troilus and Cressida,' on him they could depend,
To catch the falling Hector who was about to meet his end.
Then on to Badger in 'Toad Hall,' David now was hooked,
This was his new passion, and HP’s great good luck,
For this new member that we gained all those years ago,
Has been our backbone through the years, that’s why we love him so.
He taught us how to build a set, and dress it for a show,
And his knowledge of the plays to read kept us on the go,
Was always there when needed, with his wisdom and support,
And led us through some troubled times, HPs his only thought,
He realised that children’s plays could put the bums on seats,
To help to swell the coffers, and give the kids a treat,
For near on for a decade, each December without fail,
He would direct a pantomime or a children’s tale.
This gave everyone a chance, old members and the new,
To have some fun and frolics with a line or two,
Things went wrong and scenery fell, some forgot their lines,
But thanks to David all involved had a memorable, wonderful time.
And who’ll forget the parties after all these shows?
All going back to Trentholme when the final curtain closed,
And as we drank his homemade wine and danced the night away,
We were all as high as kites as we analysed the play.
Never will we forget his role in 'Season’s Greetings,'
The puppet show he put on had us in stitches reeling,
Typecast in that funny role, he just played himself,
And stole the show every night, good on you Dave Elf.
David hated learning lines, and oft he would forget,
So he wrote them down on paper and stuck them to the set,
So then he’d take a sneaky peek and at times a crafty look,
And if he could conceal it, he would often take his book.
As the narrator in 'Canterbury Tales' to the judge in 'Reasonable Doubt,'
His performances were unforgettable and often talked about,
There’s 'Hotel Paradiso,' 'Lark Rise' and 'Tiddy Mun,'
Yes through the years there’ve been many roles, of which I could go on.
Secretary, chairman, treasurer and props,
Set design and builder, yes David did the lot,
Drama Fed ambassador, publicity officer too,
Stage manager, director, along with acting too.
130 productions where David gave his time,
Be it on stage or off stage, or directing pantomime,
He also helped out other groups; App Frod, Group 62,
And LTC had a special bond with our joint productions too.
All of us have memories of David through the years,
This intelligent, perfect gentleman who enjoyed his wine and beers,
With his calm and gentle manner he touched so many lives,
And we're all going to miss him now we celebrate his life.
I started off by saying David wasn’t Avril’s cup of tea,
But fate has a way of saying “What’s going to be will be,”
And through the years their lives entwined and there a fondness grew,
Which took them to the altar for both to say “I do."
The home they had together was an echo of the past,
He wouldn’t throw out anything, it was here to last,
So he filled it to the brim for all the world to see,
With yet again his clutter, which made his dear wife seethe.
So along with all his treasures he was now content,
And took a back seat from the players and became our President,
He still attended Drama Fed and staffed for all our plays,
But the final curtain has come down, and we say goodbye today.
So as you take your final bow and exit off this stage,
We have lost a superstar who could never be replaced,
We thank you for your friendship, dedication, and hard work too,
But most of all we thank you just for being you.